Around the world - A tale of a trail of spouses

Brussels, Belgium: whatever happened to REAL men? More pointedly, whatever happened to real American men? Did they all die with John Wayne?

Personally, I blame The Chippendales and the rest of those super-pec, all male, body exhibitionist groups for starting the trend of not taking males seriously – I mean by the opposite sex. By dressing up in leather boxer shorts and having women scream at them, they demeaned the “Me Tarzan, You Jane” concept that most of us were still trying to cling to.

What the hell has all this to do with business? Well, I’ll tell you.

The business equivalent of the Chippendales has finally arrived in Europe.

It’s called Studs. It’s for lonely trailing spouses of the male persuasion.

Those who agree to follow their be-suited beloved (the kind of power-dresser who usually wears a giant bow at the neck the size of a vampire bat) to foreign shores and can’t get it together.

Studs stands – or sits wimpering in a corner by itself, depending on the way you look at it – for Spouses Trailing Under Duress Successfully! (Their exclamation mark, not mine) and it shows just how low we males have fallen in the hiercharchical order of things.

Forget glass ceilings and sticky floors, women are making it up the ladder of the modern corporation and they are dragging their spouse, willingly or unwillingly, along with them.

In Brussels, where there are upwards of 40 Studs at any one time, they do useful things like baseball coaching. The local American Women’s Club asks them to help out with car parking supervision at their events. Go Studs, go!

OK, I do agree that there are more men following their women around than ever before but guys think a little please! Imagine that you are sent overseas, that your wife is doing the work, earning the money – what do you have? Potential heaven.

She’s got an expat contract, a cost-of-living allowance, a free house, school fees – the lot.

Fine; a little light housework doesn’t cramp the macho style. Even a trip down to the supermarket is within the character you are trying to preserve. But the real issue is this. Don’t you want to get your golf handicap into single figures? Don’t you want to write that novel, paint that picture, learn to sculpt?

What an opportunity to do some things you will never get the opportunity to do again.

And if the numbers are true, many of us males are going to have to get used to making the “her career or mine?” decision in a different way.

In the UK, estimates put the number of male trailing spouses posted with their partner overseas at 10 per cent and rising – the opportunity for full-time indulgence in your favourite sport has never been higher.

Psychologists are getting on to this bandwagon in a big way. They’ve even (surprise, surprise!) given it a name: “awkward sex-role reversal”.

But does all this really do any good. Do you want to trail under duress successfully? Wouldn’t you rather get your own life instead?

I think that too much of this sticking-labels-on-people interference tends to take us away from getting on with things ourselves-it crushes our independence. Here’s an encouraging story.

John X arrived in Brussels – home of Studs – a few months ago. His wife had got a terrific job that had meant a huge boost for her career but three years in Europe’s capital city and a heavy travel schedule. They decided to pack up their successful lives in New York and head to Europe.

One snag: John X was in the advertising industry – and successfully at that. Brussels is the Siberia of the advertising industry – it’s where people get sideways and downwards promotion – like a retreating knight in chess. Another small issue: John was an American and not about to get a work-permit very easily. Even if he did get a job in Belgium it was unlikely to help him earn much and do little for when he re-entered his career after their three-year tour.

But John X was a networker supreme! By week two a lot of people knew this man had landed and was looking for work, advice and ever more contacts.

He ignored ill-serving advice like “put up your feet for three years” or the most condescending “if you want children now’s the time to have them,” and kept on looking.

And his search didn’t stop at the confines of Brussels or the borders of Belgium. Why should it? A well-meaning friend explained that if he could conceive of commuting to Washington he could do the same to Paris, Amsterdam and best of all (courtesy of that tube under the channel) London, otherwise know as ad-man’s heaven. John’s Park Avenue firm said they could find him a position in London if he needed it. A small flat, a commuter ticket on Monday mornings and Friday nights and John’s a happy man. By the way, he tells me he sees his wife more this way than when they were both on the road every week across the great United States.

John has proved my theory. If you want it enough you can find it and make it work. It can also add new dimensions to your life and the life of your spouse. So now, personnel consultants, here’s the challenge.

What daft phrase are you going to pin on spouses that don’t trail, but add value to themselves, to others and to their relationship?

Mike Johnson is president of Johnson & Associates, a corporate communications firm in Brussels and author of Getting a GRIP on Tomorrow and Managing in the Next Millennium.