About as likely as a Togo win in Germany

So here are 10 things that won’t happen this summer – though some should,
some could and, perhaps by the time you’ve read this, some might already have
come to pass.

1) Grant Thornton and BDO Stoy Hayward merge. ‘We’re fed up with mid-tier
moans about a Big Four monopoly and have decided to put our money where out
mouth is,’ they say.

2) England win the World Cup. On their victory parade the players declare
themselves overpaid: ‘In the interests of the future financial stability of the
sport, we demand our wages are halved’.

3) Messrs Sarbanes and Oxley admit their post-Enron reforms are harming the
competitiveness of multinational companies and the attractiveness of the US
capital markets. ‘We have unleashed a monster,’ they admit.

4) The Hundred Group of Finance Directors, the CBI and The Treasury issue a
statement saying reports of a pensions crisis have been wildly exaggerated. The
recent bull run on the stock market (after blips in May and June, the FTSE posts
43 consecutive daily gains through July and August) is expected to last forever.

5) ICAS unveils its new chief executive – Eric Anstee, who is ‘excited by the
challenge’. The ICAEW enters into ‘exploratory talks around an alliance’ with
the Law Society, spearheaded by ex-ICAS chief Des Hudson.

6) CIPFA says it has ‘no interest in merging with anyone’.

7) In his new role at Deloitte, Sir Digby Jones says all recent government
decisions have been sound and will ‘serve the long-term interests of UK plc’.

8) Gordon Brown admits he should not have scrapped the OFR. ‘Next time I’ll
listen to what the industry thinks,’ he says.

9) The smash TV hit of the summer is CFI Basingstoke. The show (Crime
Forensic Investigation, to give it its full title) is loosely based on US import
Crime Scene Investigation and its spin-off CSI Miami. With intricate financial
plotting and characterisation (the central figures are a group of attractive,
20-something, crime-fighting accountants), it is described as ‘a drama that will
change the perception of accountants forever’. It’s credited for making
accountancy the most popular degree choice among students .

10) Sentencing in the Enron trial is postponed, pending medical reports.
Lawyers for Ernest Saunders, sorry Kenneth Lay, say he is in ‘no condition to
face the pressure of a further trial’.

Damian Wild is editor in chief of Accountancy Age, for more of his views go

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