In search of the golden goose

I would get to know the wife and kids again, do up the house and garden, and after a few month’s R&R I’d waltz into another senior role with another US technology outfit.

Well the CIA, the FBI and the ATF didn’t see what was coming so how could I? Now we may be standing on the brink of a world recession. Ask your average yank CEO if he’s planning to recruit in Europe. He’d rather have root canal work at the Kabul School of Dentistry.

I’ve worked for the big US technology companies for nearly twenty years.

For those who don’t know, working for those boys requires a rather different set of skills and personality traits to your average UK widget distributor.

I used to see five adverts a week for these skills. Now I’m lucky if I see one a month. But the wife’s nagging at me to get out of the house and Phil at the Jobcentre’s been getting heavy since I went on his long-term unemployed list.

It’s no good, I’m going to have to find a job. And the wife won’t let me be a postman. I sat down to assess my strengths and weaknesses. I wish I was one of those blessed few who are born without a shred of self-doubt.

For ten minutes I could only come up with weaknesses and I sat there wondering why anyone had ever employed me. I’m no number cruncher or technical expert, so you can forget anything including the words controller or heaven forbid, chief accountant. And I’m too old and too bloody-minded to have a boss who’s younger than me, even if he is three thousand miles away in New York.

And I have a paralysing fear of public speaking so that puts the mockers on weekly presentations to investors.

But it can’t be that hard to get a job. After all I’m still only 44 and I’ve got loads of European/US/technology experience.

I’d feel more comfortable if a single previous employer was still in business but none of that was my fault (honest M’lud). I’m also immediately available, and I’m near the Thames Valley technology hotbed.

I’m going to keep an open mind as to whether I go for permanent, interim, or even part-time, and I’m very prepared to take less money for less stress and a better quality of life, though I’ve never come across a single potential employer who believed that one.

Phil at the Jobcentre actually told me that if I really wanted to downsize I would have to lie about my previous salary.

Here goes! Wish me luck!

James Andrews ACA is currently unemployed.

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