Imagine you’re listening to the nasal tones of Ringo Starr and get ready to welcome back Thomas and friends. Today our friendly crew of children’s characters – isn’t it strange how they bear an uncanny resemblance to some of the most senior partners in the profession today? – discuss the London mayoral elections. And like all good children’s programmes it ends in a jolly good sing-song. Moorgate Terminal, Baby Roo (Nick Land) and Pooh (Graham Ward) are trying to read The Times. Enter Clarabella (Dame Sheila Masters) Pooh: Clarabella, what’s this say? Clarabella: Clarabella, Grinning Tony, the Freak Controller, and that big bolshy Gordon at Westminster Terminus want passengers to elect a station master to run the underground. Baby Roo’s teddy would do a better job than Red Ken, the loony left engine, Dobbo the donkey or that lady engine from the Libdem shed. I’m for Mr. Norris. Baby Roo: He’s always changing trains. Stand yourself, Clarabella, you’ve got ideas above your station. Clarabella: Shut up Baby Roo, or I’ll confiscate your teddy. Has anyone seen Thomas (Peter Wyman) since he fell out with Gordon and Grinning Tony? (Enter Thomas covered in rubbish). Clarabella: Thomas, what happened? Thomas: I was passing Westminster Terminus behind Red Ken. Grinning Tony and Gordon threw rubbish at us. Pooh: They rubbish anyone who disagrees with them. Clarabella: Go and clean up. Your pistons are disgusting. Thomas: (wickedly) Will you polish them for me? Clarabella: Certainly not. (Exit Thomas). Pooh, who are you voting for? Pooh: I’m a bear of very little brain. I’ll be guided by you, Clarabella. (Re-enter Thomas, fragrantly) What about you, Thomas? Thomas: After that rubbishing, I’m with Red Ken. Clarabella: You can’t be. Aren’t Grinning Tony and Gordon paying your own booking office at London Bridge (PwC HQ) to work out the underground fares? They hate Red Ken. Altogether: Oh no! Not another conflict of interest! Clarabella: Time to sing our battle hymn ‘The American War of Independence’. Baby Roo, wave your Teddy! Thomas: (boldly) Clarabella, SWING YOUR PANTS! Altogether: (melody-John Brown) Conflicts of interest clatter out from everything we do, The UK independence rules are fine for me and you, But in the States the SEC is turning on the screw, They want to rule the world! Glory, glory, hallelujah, SEC, we’ll sock it to yah, Don’t you think we can see through yah, The way you carry on! Pooh: Tiddley Pom.
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