Sun, sand and iris scans

Finger printing, iris scanning and body-odour testing are all things TS has experienced at some point over the years ­ usually at the cop shop or up in HR. So, when former Andersen spin-off Accenture invited a vitamin D-deficient TS to sun-drenched Cannes (it rained actually) to test some futuristic gizmos, it sounded too good to be true.

And in fact, it was. When one white-coated boffin attempted to demonstrate thumb-print recognition for future use in passports and ID cards, the entire network ground to a halt. This left TS stuck on the Côte d’Azur without a purpose, always a dangerous situation.

Just before the demo-failure, the boffin had told us that identity theft was the fastest-growing criminal industry, costing two trillion dollars a year. Perhaps if network problems continue in the future, a few more noughts could be added to that figure.