Justin Thyme

Caption Competition

Here at Justin Thyme we pride ourselves on providing you with the cutting edge information that you need to gain that competitive advantage; however, we raise our hands and admit that we have, for a while, been remiss.

It has been some time since we have given away any prizes. We aim to make up for this with the first of our caption competitions. Look at the photograph, add a dash and get the chance to win a not inconsiderably priced goody. Send your libel-free, consultancy-related postcard entries to Caption Competition, Management Consultancy, 32-34 Broadwick Street, London W1A 2HG.

Alas, poor consultant

The gaffe’s up for management consultants. You can all clear your desks and go home. The Royal Shakespeare Company has moved into management consultancy (See news, page 5). The thesps intend to train managers all over the country in team-building skills and problem solving. As a result of this move the Royal Shakespeare Company are proud to release details of their forthcoming season.

The Comedy of Errors

Laugh as KPMG and Ernst & Young muddle through merger talks, with hilarious consequences.

The School for Scandal

Gossip abounds as PwC employees spend a few days discussing Euro-tactics in Oxford. A champagne-on-the-quad at three in the morning, laff-a-minute riot.

Romeo and Juliet

A touching love story where Romeo Waterhouse and Juliet Coopers try to find happiness amidst time-honoured feuds and gaping logos.

The Phantom of the Opera

Bemasked management consultants hide in the depths of the Royal Opera House. Unfortunately, this is scheduled for early closure due to negative notices.

You should be so Lucky

During a recent interview with PwC’s Vic Luck, EMEA managing partner and fully-paid up Arsenal fanatic, Justin Thyme asked what Vic would do if offered the club’s managership. Would he re-engineer the back four and maximise the goal-scoring ratios? Would he tune the team colours after having considered the latest focus group findings? Would he relocate the club to a more cost-effective location and rationalise the traditional 11 players to a more streamline three or four? Would captain Tony Adams be replaced in favour of a more flat-bed management style, where players would democratically assign themselves positions. Would he entice the Carlton TV bidders by agreeing to extend the firm’s brand by tattooing its logo on David Seaman’s brow? Would Luck claim royalties from Nick Hornby for excessive use of the word “Arsenal” without due copyright payments?

If you feel anything for the noble sport then check next month’s interview with Luck to find out exactly what he’ll do. Consultancy really is a game of two halves and you’ll be sick as a parrot if you miss it.

Broom, broom

There is a common myth that journalists never pay for anything. We are always receiving freebies and we’re the last ones to dip into our pockets at the bar. It’s all true. The last time that Justin bought a round, they were still brewing beer on the premises. There is more good news for the back-page bandit. Having long toyed with the idea with stocking his desks with jolly playthings, Justin was the proud recipient of a delightful goodie from KPMG. The Jeep kit-car that landed on his desk this month was sent along to promote the launch of the consultancy’s review Europe on the Move, commissioned by the firm’s European Automotive Practice.

After glueing up his desk, telephone and colleagues Justin sent the little jeep shooting across the floor. Regrettably, the vehicle fell apart in a very sad manner. Justin will fume at those who suggest that the car was specified and planned by KPMG and Ernst & Young during their merger talks. It is a scandalous suggestion and such talk will not be tolerated.